What about anger?

 Well, maybe I just came like a tsunami with a bunch of information and not so much about me... 

So, let's talk a little, I haven't come here in many years, and life has changed a lot! I'm still married - this year we will be 30 years! - and we have 4 children. These last years the older had married and moved away to another city, about 900 km away. Of course, I miss her but I am also happy for her progress! The second has moved too, to another city, about 1000 km away. I miss her too but she has grown so much. Both of them are beautiful women now. And at home there's the remain, the kiddos, the younger two. 

As I see it, 2018 was a year that put everything upside down, 2019 was a year that chaos started to be felt, and 2020… wow, this was a very odd year. Also 2021… 2022 was a year to re start life, 2023 a year to start traveling again, what we happily did! And 2024 was a crisis year. That year some responsibilities took us parents all of the "free time" we had, and we didn't realize how much we were neglecting our children that time. Our relationship started struggling because of that lack of time, and yet we didn't realize, and of course (as I told last post) if the relationship between us, spouses, wasn't okay, the relationship with the kids wasn't either. I still remember an evening, and I remember it because it was like a punch. I was talking with the kids, and suddenly dad said something. Both of them looked at him, turned around and kept on talking like nobody was there. That was hard... but I saw! He was almost every weekend away, and during the week we didn't cross paths too much either. That was wrong, that was gonna bring us sorrow. And eventually, it did.

And what about anger? Well, that's something that I learned this block too! 2024 brought me a lot of anger and frustration. Especially because I felt lonely. I had to be present but was too tired, children were growing and we started having some challenges. Anger was common, and actually it's not bad (is natural) if it moves us to action or to establish some healthy boundaries. But not that good if we only got mad and react unappropriately with children when they miss behave, or we feel they do. William J. Doherty stated: "To many parents, anger is one short step away from verbal and physical abuse of children. But anger is a normal human emotion that signals "something's got to change here — right now." Without anger, parents are wishy-washy in the face of their children's willfulness." So we can see this really is necessary, but not if we lost the temper. Actually, Doherty also stated: "The new parenting problem is "anger phobia." We end up with bland parents who refuse to ever show anger to their children. They consequently lack authority and allow their children to walk over them." So we need a healthy amount of anger, enough to act, but not so much to become aggressive. 

We also studied words of the prophets, these last years prophets. And I was reminded of a scripture in Doctrine & Covenants 121: 43, quote: "Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;" I was very young (probably not 18 yet) when president Gordon B. Hinkley spoke about it, and he said if we are angry, Holy Ghost leaves that person and place, He gets offended by screams and mistreat, so that reproving isn't guided by Him. This impacted me, I was always told that there unkind reproves were driven by the Holy Ghost, and it was the way; yet it wasn't. President Brigham Young said: "Bring up your children in the love and fear of the Lord; study their dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly, never allowing yourself to correct them in the heat of passion; teach them to love you rather than to fear you" (Discourses of Brigham Young, 1954) and that touched my heart, love instead of hate, study them and their dispositions. So we can figure out firsthand when they are able to listen and even how to speak so we can reach their hearts. If we have their trust they will listen.

Not so long ago, President of the Church of Jesus Christ, Russell M Nelson (2023), taught us: 

Being a peacemaker is a challenge, especially at home, yet the most important place to choose to be a peacemaker. As parents this might mean take a time to breathe and think twice what to say, how to act. 

I love my family, that's for sure, and even when so much time has past, I'm open to learn, and change, and make "my" best effort, actually the best effort. Let's keep on learning, and re writing life 🫶🏼

                        Cora